Getting to know yourself is a life-long journey that is as important as developing relationships with other people. This sparked the search for ways for self-improvement and introspection, relationship-building and what gives us purpose and happiness. Several themes emerged and stood out to me.

1) Gratitude is imperative to our well-being and life perspective or lens. Developing a daily practice would be ideal and continuous gratitude efforts throughout your life will be paramount to your search for meaning and joy. Through the habitual gratitude practice you’ll be content with where you are in life and those around you. Overtime you’ll learn to appreciate your blessings in a new light. You will be inclined to be more proactive about focusing on small but significant things in your life as well as the major ones. You can start simply by thinking about or writing down daily things you’re grateful for and continue to do so regularly. Sometimes thinking about worst-case scenarios, I found it difficult to sustain positivity in my life and those around me for prolonged periods of time. Since being religious was an important part of my life, I was taught at an early age the importance of being grateful for your blessings. However, shifting thoughts and transforming them into a daily or regular practice has been a more effective method for permanence when implementing this notion of gratitude. It can be as simple as having a daily notepad where you write 3-5 things that you’re grateful for daily and taking some time to ponder and appreciate them.

2) Meditation allows for you to be still and work on yourself by quieting the mind and practicing how to calm your mind and body through breathing, stillness and concentration exercises. It is another practice that requires persistence, patience and self-compassion since you have been conditioned to be on GO mode and this practice forces you to press the PAUSE button and learn to be comfortable in this state. I had heard about meditation many years ago and thought this was for Buddhists and very spiritual people. I think that I was not prepared or self-aware and open to such experiences at that time. Now I feel differently about it, since I truly believe that it is beneficial for self-care, self-introspection and time with oneself. There are different kinds of meditation, find the one that is more suitable to you and work towards including it in your self-care routine. You will be pleasantly surprised with the psychological and physical benefits. It has helped me become more calm, peaceful and less anxious or worried about different parts of my life. It has boosted my energy levels and made me feel soothed and light which is something I was yearning for.

3) Spirituality being religious or believing in something beyond or greater than yourself, makes you feel more at ease and search for/find meaning in the world. It teaches you about right or wrong, human compassion and giving, life teachings and values. Being spiritual also provides you with a sense of community and unity, it helps you build a strong relationship with yourself, others, universe, souls or energy whatever it is that you believe in or live by. Praying or spiritual practices serve as time for reflection, healing, forgiveness and building of character and well-roundedness. It provides you with the opportunity to be kind and compassionate towards yourself and others because you realize we are all inter-connected. You may realize how all souls are seeking purpose and guidance in life. It fosters your sense of community, selflessness, and giving nature. Ultimately, it strengthens your sense of belonging to others that share similar faiths or spirituality from different backgrounds and races. You learn to be accepting of all people simply for their shared humanity.

4) Journaling you should write down your thoughts and feelings that might be bothering you or simply want to explore. Have a conversation with yourself through pen and paper or whatever method you’d like to record your thoughts in. This habit can help you unload and organize many competing thoughts and put them to rest or further evaluate them in an efficient and self-soothing manner. Journaling has helped me tremendously since I have a racing mind with 109 things going on at once. It allows you to question your thoughts, feelings and find patterns. It’s an opportunity to let go of unnecessary thought loads. I’m living proof of what a useful resource writing can be. I highly recommend it so you have more space in your mind and feel at ease since you’ve let everything out and freed your mind.

5) Relationships are important for your health and psychological well-being to have meaningful relationships. The key is not quantity but quality, you want the type of friend or friends that can be a support system whenever you need to vent, spend time together or help others. Having such friendships and bonds enrich your life. The strong connectedness gives meaning to your life since you are an important part of others’ lives. Therefore, being isolated from the world would hinder your opportunities from experiencing the gift of friendship, love, and life. We are innately social creatures and it is crucial to our survival. Put yourself out there whether it’s in a romantic relationship, friendship, social circle or volunteering. Just ensure you surround yourself with people that will motivate you to be a better person and appreciate you. Those that have a positive outlook of life, values and mindset will inevitably lift you up. In doing so, you are supporting each other’s need for human connection and the reciprocal give and take, will teach you and them many lessons and create memorable times. Having meaningful relationships will hopefully make you feel validated, loved and appreciated by those you decide are keep close to you.

Other ideas I’ve learned from motivational speakers, Oprah and positive psychologists, particularly from a British psychotherapist Marisa Peer, is that you need someone to love, something to do and somewhere to go – to be content; which were very simple yet powerful concepts in my soul searching journey. Oprah enlightened Stanford students by sharing that everyone wants to feel validated and therefore you need to ask yourself: “Did you hear me? Did you see me? And did what I say mean anything to you?” Then apply these to important relationships in your life, job, family, church groups or any other areas that have an impact in your life. Depending on the answers you receive/received that will determine if you need to change, strengthen, distance yourself or end certain relationships in your life. While keeping those providing you with unconditional support, joy, purpose and love. Trust yourself and your natural gifts and that gut feeling you have to guide your decisions and whether something feels right or wrong. Listen – be more attentive and mindful of those inner feelings that are there to guide you. Accept all feelings as they come and don’t judge them, being upset or happy are both valid feelings and they’re equally as important. They help you uncover parts of you life that need to be evaluated. Just as physical health is very important, so is your mental health. Emotions are the gateway and barometer to how you’re feeling internally, whether you might be conscious or not about why you feel a certain way. Be kind to yourself and simply acknowledge all feelings, welcome them and in doing so – you will get to know yourself in a deeper way. Finally, I’ve also read that having a pet is helpful for companionship and responsibility of taking care of something other than yourself. I also have to mention the more commonly known, yet still imperative regular exercise – yoga has worked for me, SLEEP!! (8 hours a day if possible) and eating a healthy and well-balanced diet. Having the courage and determination to adopt some of the elements mentioned previously might seem daunting at first. However, if you introduce ones that you enjoy and feel comfortable first and then continue gradually adding more, while practicing them in a regular manner; then you are likely to benefit. The key is being consistent and if you happen to lose your way then quickly re-asses and find a more suitable and practical style that works for you! At the end of the day we are all different and therefore you need to determine what you believe is helping your self-improvement journey. Be kind to yourself first and in doing so you’ll be better for others!

I’ve realized the importance of words and how they can be a powerful tool for some people and detrimental to others. Thinking before you speak is quite the struggle especially because you want to be heard, understood and validated. Communication is the equitable dance between talking and listening but truly hearing one another. I’ve attended many conferences and they’ve discussed the notion of “listen to understand, not to respond” of course I’ve been guilty of the latter or even worse not saying anything at all. It takes me longer to process and organize my thoughts since I have a lot of those going on at once. From a recent TED talk I watched, they facilitated an exercise where you have two people practice these skills, one being the listener and the other the speaker. The speaker chooses a simple sentence to share with their partner but the twist is you spell out every word and the listener has to be very attentive and only focus on what the other is spelling to be able to put the words and sentence together. Then you reverse the roles. I have practiced this and it is harder than it sounds but so fascinating. I’ve been making a conscious effort to apply “active listening” in my day-to-day life and work and it does make a difference. It’s definitely a challenge but one that will benefit you in many ways. Ultimately, we communicate all day every day whether verbal or most commonly non-verbally and being mindful of our intent and expression is essential to be successful. Just like anything else you wish to improve on, it requires consistency and practice for it to become more natural and comfortable. My grandmother used to tell me “Catherine if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it” and this resonated with me and to this day my biggest problem in communication is not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings which is probably rooted on this notion of being kind to others. Now in my adult life I am learning to navigate the challenges of communicating what I need in a way that I’m comfortable with but also not neglect how I feel about a situation. Being tactful about your choice of words and understanding that how you feel and think might be totally different from other people’s perspectives so never assume and always ask before interpreting what you hear. Asking “correct me if I’m wrong but what I hear you saying is…” or in the words of Brenee Brown “The story I’m telling myself is” and this allows the other person to: 1) know they were heard 2) an opportunity to agree, disagree or clarify; which allows for a healthy discussion and mutual understanding. Practice the art of active listening and selective speaking but value the underrated power of silence. You don’t always have to comment or respond, simply listening and being visibly engaged in the conversation is at times sufficient.

Being out in nature is something I’ve always loved since I was a young girl but the older I get it feels like the less time I make for it. I’ve had to slowly change that to incorporate time in nature with myself and others. Whether it is a walk, a jog or simply sitting out in the garden having tea and cookies (I sound so British!). There is something that happens unconsciously, a feeling of relaxation and peace. My personal favorite is a light breeze and sunlight shining down on you through the vast green tree leaves and the pleasant sounds it comes with. The birds chirping in as the sun rises and the morning comes or the sound of waves crashing down the beach shore are very heart-warming for me. I definitely enjoy being out in nature whether it’s the woods, beach, mountains and pretty much anything outdoors regardless of the season. I am definitely a creature of habit, however I like change in small increments to prevent boredom. Therefore, with life’s responsibilities keeping nature time in the forefront has to be a proactive task. I now take walks outside on a short break from work or have lunch on a bench outside overlooking the trees and shrubs. Such a change has helped me feel so much better during the day. On my spare time I try my best to put on those sweaters, leggings and tennis shoes to go for at least a walk regularly. Since one thing I do know, is that no matter what I always feel better and recognize it was worth the time and energy. Hey it’s free too! Why not?! I have a deep appreciation for nature and the benefits it provides me, like exercise, better mood, less stress and time to think clearly or simply have a nice chat. Not to mention, that the most meaningful and profound conversations I’ve ever had were in nature. My earliest childhood memories are taking walks – well actually they often somehow turned into hikes with my dad and as much as I complained at times, it was a wonderful time being active and enjoying his company. I remember learning to ride my bike and my dad giving me subtle push to get me going which resulted in me crashing into some trees. Definitely some fond memories and now that I’m older and wiser – ha! I cherish the simple things in life and in a way have almost come full circle to having been raised on a ranch and now “city life”, finding my way back to my nature roots. In this journey of self-improvement that I happen to find myself in, I can honestly say that being outdoors is a simple, yet impactful change to incorporate in your life!